I Needed You
by CBGirl
Summary: Jo loses a special patient and when Alex isn't there to comfort her she realizes she deserves to be someone's number one.
1. Chapter 1

**I Needed You**

Jo paced the floor heartbroken waiting for Alex to come home. She hadn't seen his car in the parking lot when she left the hospital, and now he wasn't home. She needed him. She needed his shoulder to cry on and his strong arms around her. She needed him to tell her that life wasn't fair, but that there were still more wins than losses. She needed him to once again talk her down from the ledge she always found herself on when she lost a patient. And this wasn't just any patient; this was her Emma. Sweet sweet Emma. The little girl who only a few weeks ago wouldn't speak, but now lit up when Jo entered her room. The little girl who had endured too much for her five short years. The little girl who reminded Jo so much of herself at that age. She sighed and checked her watch one more time. 1:35 am. Ugh... She gave up and crawled in bed crying herself to sleep.

She wasn't surprised when she woke up the next morning and found Alex's side of the bed empty; he worked that morning, but there was no sign that he had come home at all. She shook her head and got up, slowly making her way to the bathroom to splash cool water on her face still puffy from crying the night before. She poured herself a bowl of cereal, but after only a few bites pushed it away with no appetite. She spent the day cleaning and studying. Doing anything to try and keep her mind off Emma and more than that off of her troubled relationship. Or at least that's how she saw their relationship; she wasn't so sure Alex would agree, but then again she didn't figure he thought much about their relationship these days. She was always there. When he finally came home, she was there. When he decided he had time for her, she was there. She really didn't want to break things off with Alex, but she couldn't keep being pushed to the back burner. She loved him too much and it would break her for sure, but she had too much respect for herself to continue on the way they were. She deserved to be someone's number one and she wouldn't settle for less no matter how hard it would be to walk away.

Later that evening, Jo was putting her shoes on when the loft door rolled open and Alex walked in after a long day of work. He went straight over to Jo wrapping her in a hug and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She pushed away from him not reciprocating. He quirked an eyebrow, "What's wrong with you?" he asked confused.

"Where were you last night?" she questioned instead of answering, already knowing what he was going to say.

"Mer needed..." he started apologetically.

"Of course," Jo huffed out quietly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex came back defensively narrowing his eyes.

"It means I needed you last night. I needed you here with me," she retorted trying to stay strong and not break down.

"I'm sorry Jo. Mer called and she needed me to look at her heater. It wasn't working right when she got home from work; she has the three kids, and it was freezing out. It was late; I wanted to make sure it didn't act up again," he explained. "It was just the thermostat. It's fixed now," he added with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders.

"Good. I'm really glad. I'm glad you can be there for her," Jo said sincerely. "But I need you too. The thing is, Alex, she's always going to have the three kids and she's always going to need this thing or that thing, but she also has a sister and a sister-in-law and a.. a pseudo stepdad. And I know she's your best friend and you want to be there for her. You are an amazing friend Alex and I love that about you; believe me I do," she closed her eyes briefly gathering herself. "But you are my best friend and I need you too. I don't have anyone else but you," she pleaded. Alex was silent looking down at his feet. "You know I've been working in the burn unit a lot lately, right?"

He nodded finally looking up to meet her eyes, "Yeah, I guess," he shrugged trying to make the connection. "Shouldn't you be off Avery's service by now?" he added.

"I like it. I want to work in the burn unit. Anyway, I told you about the little girl, the one who was put in a scalding bath by her foster mom." He nodded in acknowledgement and she continued, "Well, when she came in she wouldn't talk at all to anyone; she wouldn't ever say anything. Her eyes were so lost and empty. But as I worked with her she softened to me, and she started talking to me; we were really bonding," she sighed and shook her head getting to the point, "She died yesterday. All the damage was too much for her frail body," she took a deep breath and struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall. "And I just... I needed you." She wiped away a few tears that fell down her cheeks despite her effort to not cry.

"Jo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about your patient and I'm sorry I wasn't here last night," he pulled her into another embrace that she once again shrugged out of.

"I don't need you to be sorry. I need you to be here. I need you to stop putting Meredith first. I can't keep being second to her. I won't," she shook her head forcefully, regaining her composure. "I get that the two of you have a bond and you've been through everything together, and I respect that. But what about me? What about us? I don't want to walk, but I will if I have to," she finished with steel in her voice grabbing her keys and turning towards the door.

"Jo... Where are you going?"

"I work the night shift tonight," she explained flatly continuing on her way out.

"We need to talk," he implored with a catch in his voice.

She turned to him with sad eyes her face defeated, "I've said everything I have to say. The ball is in your court. You need to decide what you want. If you can't commit to putting this," she gestured between them, "first. If our relationship isn't a priority for you, then I'm sure Dr. Grey would be happy to welcome you back into her home." She turned and walked to the door.

"Jo..." Alex called out desperately. She continued out of the loft without looking back.

She hurried her steps to her car breaking down into tears as she sank down in the driver's seat. After a few moments she gathered herself and started the car driving off toward the hospital praying Alex would still be there when she returned home the next morning.


	2. Chapter 2

You've Got Me

"Jo..." Alex flinched as the loft door slammed closed behind her retreating back. "Damn it," he cursed under his breath roughly dragging his fingers through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck. How did he let this happen again? Why did he always screw up everything good? And Jo wasn't just something good, she was the best, she was supposed to be his forever. He thought he had finally found his happy ending.

He collapsed on the couch burying his face in his hands the beginnings of tears stinging his eyes. He sniffed hard and rubbed his eyes, springing up, unable to stay still as energy pulsed through his body. He paced the length of the loft as thoughts of all the people who had left him in one way or another, walked out on him, or given up on him tumbled through his mind. It started with his dad, then his mom, more foster families than he cared to remember, Ava, O'Malley, Izzie, Lucy, Jimmy again, Cristina, and even Mer had bailed on him for almost a year with no contact. No, it wasn't always about him, and they hadn't all chosen to leave, but either way they were all gone.

Those memories were fleeting though. What took root in his mind was Jo, all the times she had stood by him and showed up for him, never running. She was a friend to him when Mer and Cristina were buying the hospital and he was left out of the loop, she persistently stood by him when he tried pushing her away when he was messed up with everything happening with his dad, she made no move to leave when he proposed before she was ready or when their relationship was forbidden, she was the one supporting him and encouraging him when he decided to try his hand at private practice and she was his cheerleader during the fight for his board seat when his own friends didn't even vote for him. She was even there offering a gentle touch and a listening ear for all those months he was searching for Mer, who had treated Jo like crap disrespecting her and his relationship with her. These were the thoughts that captivated him. Every instance she was there for him negated the pain of his past a little more until he stood here today finally whole and happy.

He stopped in the middle of the loft and looked around at the home she had created for them. Even this she had done for him, for them. She spent her last dime to buy them a place of their own. He could see it all clearly now; she gave her all to him. And he had been unknowingly throwing that away. He had taken her for granted. Always expecting that she would be there for him but not showing up for her.

Finally, in the very early hours of the morning, Alex fell into bed to a fitful night's sleep. He tossed and turned much of the night waking often, readjusting, and punching his pillow before dropping back to sleep.

When Jo returned home and saw his car parked out front she released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She quietly let herself into the loft and padded over to the sleeping area. In the dim morning light streaming through the window, she studied Alex's face, tense even in sleep, and noted the sheets crumpled and twisted around his body giving evidence of his restless night. Silently she changed clothes and slipped into bed beside him. She was a wreck, her emotions all over the place. On the one hand her heart was broken for where they were but at the same time it swelled with love for the man before her. She sighed and gently reached over smoothing her thumb across the wrinkles creasing his forehead. She gasped in surprise and quickly pulled her hand back when his eyelids fluttered open.

"Jo.." he breathed out, relief audible in his voice. He rolled to his side facing her and captured her eyes with his own. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out; he wasn't sure where or how to start.

"You're still here," she whispered.

"Of course I am," he replied his voice rough with sleep and emotion, "Why wouldn't I be?" He watched her closely seeing the hurt and the love battling in her eyes. "Jo, I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it. I have been a jerk and an ass and I am just... I'm sorry. I see it now, how I've taken you for granted. And I'm not trying to make excuses or... or.. make you understand, but I have always been the one to take care of everyone else. I've always had to be the strong one and I just fell back into that role so easily. And you... You're so strong and so independent. I mean look at you, you've built this incredible life for yourself without any help from anyone. And I was so busy trying to be everything to everyone else that I guess I just didn't see that you might need me," regret and pain marred his face as he spoke. He willed her to understand, to accept his apology and give him another chance.

She stared back at him deciding if she could bare her soul and then hesitantly, "It's taken me a long time to get to this place, but I don't want to do it by myself anymore; I let my guard down and sometimes it feels so good to not have to be strong," her voice cracked, "Alex, you made me feel safe. You broke my walls down and you made me feel like it was okay to fall because you would be there to catch me. I have never opened up to anyone before. I've never let myself be vulnerable with anybody else. But you have to catch me," she pleaded timidly, "you have to be there."

He cupped her cheek, brushed away a stray tear, and with all the love he felt for her shining in his eyes and echoing in his voice he assured her, "You've got me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he closed his eyes briefly and shook his head, "Jo you are my... my constant... my everything and I am such an idiot. I almost lost it all; I almost let you slip away, but I'm not going to let that happen. I can't lose you. I won't. From this moment until.." his voice quivered, "until forever, you've got me." Her heart skipped a beat at his promise of forever and a shy smile tugged at her lips. "And I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

She shook her head and answered sincerely, "I don't need you to make anything up to me. I just need you to do better starting now."

"I will," he said with conviction, his voice husky as he closed in on her. Their lips met in a lingering kiss filled with regret and apology, love, hope and promise for the future. When the kiss ended Alex drew Jo close to his side holding her body against his. He clung to her realizing how close he came to losing everything and thanking his lucky stars that she was giving him a second chance. This time he was going to do it right. He was going to be all that she needed him to be. They fell into a peaceful sleep wrapped in each other's arms, clinging to their lifelines.


End file.
